


...on a place of insecurity

by BriMac0518



Series: The Arcana - 50 Kisses [21]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gender-Neutral Apprentice (The Arcana), M/M, Other, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 05:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21502852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BriMac0518/pseuds/BriMac0518
Summary: The red sclera of Julian Devorak's right eye reminded him of many things. None of them good.
Relationships: Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Julian Devorak/Reader, Julian Devorak/You
Series: The Arcana - 50 Kisses [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1531607
Kudos: 201





	...on a place of insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> Having one of those days where my depression rears its ugly head and won't let go, so this prompt was actually rather fitting. Figured I'd have Julian get some help with his and hopefully lift my spirits in the process. Hope you guys enjoy this.
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: Do not repost my work anywhere. I do not give my permission.

Julian made quite a dashing figure with his black and red attire. The finishing touch was that black eye patch that covered his right eye. He wore it everywhere when he wasn't at home in order to prevent causing a scare if people saw the red sclera. He wasn't contagious. He just didn't want to make people panic by thinking the plague had returned.

He seemed nonchalant about wearing it. Even joked about how he had the pirate look down thanks to that particular addition to his wardrobe, but you knew he wished deep down that he didn't have to wear it. That he didn't have to hide his right eye at all. If anything, the red sclera not only made him worry about scaring others, but it also reminded him of what he saw as his failures.

Despite things finally settling down in Vesuvia after that mess with the Devil, Julian still carried the burden of his past. He still felt like he'd failed the people of Vesuvia. Like he'd failed you. True, he'd tried to stop the plague by killing Lucio, but he'd been too late. He saw that as a failure too. He'd been ready to die for his alleged crime, only to find out he hadn't actually committed said crime.

So while he hadn't been the one to end Lucio, he also hadn't been the one to end the plague. He'd discovered the cure too late and so many had been lost while he desperately worked to save them. He felt like in the end, he'd always fallen short. It broke your heart to see those insecurities linger in his gaze. In the slump of his shoulders whenever he let himself dwell on those thoughts.

It was late one evening when he returned from his clinic and you could tell something was amiss when he walked through the door. Normally, he entered the home you shared above his clinic with a smile, ready to greet you after a long day and regale you with stories of the different patients that he'd treated. It was usually preceded by a "Darling! I'm home!"

Instead, you heard the door that lead to the clinic close and quiet footsteps climbing up the stairs. You put down the magical tome that Asra had leant you to read and were waiting at the top of the stairs for him to reach you. The slump to his shoulders was back and at first you assumed he'd lost a patient. That wasn't terribly uncommon. Sometimes, no matter how hard a healer tried, patients just couldn't be saved, whether due to old age or severe illness or injury.

"What's wrong?" You watched him, your concern apparent as he stopped a couple of steps down from the landing on which you stood, putting you both at eye level. He smiled for you, but it was forced.

"Oh, nothing, my dear. Just a long day," he said, leaning in and kissing your cheek. You stepped aside to let him pass, watching as he sat down to shed his boots.

"Did something happen?" Your line of thinking about him losing a patient was cast aside when he shook his head.

"No. Average day. Stitched up a cut for one of the dock workers. Gave Mrs. Lariea the tonic for her arthritis. Made some house calls. Nothing out of the ordinary." He slipped one boot off, then the other, setting them neatly by the door before leaning back in his chair. He reached up and removed the eyepatch, looking at it for a long, silent moment, before tossing it down onto the table dismissively. That clued you in to what the problem really was.

"Well, I'm glad there were no serious illnesses or injuries for you to tend to," you said, walking over and planting yourself right on his lap. He smiled faintly as you wound your arms around his neck, both grey eyes peering at you with such fondness. Yet you could see the black cloud of depression lingering within them.

"Likewise. I'll take an average day over a traumatic one any day." His arms slid around you to cradle you against his chest, his touch gentle where his hands rested on you.

"It's bothering you again, isn't it," you murmured, bringing one hand up to his cheek and noting the way he immediately leaned into it, like he was starved for the comfort and affection you sought to offer him. The past always bothered him even though neither of you could do anything to change it.

"A little bit," he admitted. "I had a patient that was terrified they'd contracted the plague. They hadn't obviously. Their eyes were just bloodshot. They weren't sleeping much. But they were relieved when I confirmed they had not caught the plague and said 'Oh, thank you, Doctor Devorak! I wouldn't have known what to think or do if I'd had those red eyes and was actually dying.'"

Of course that would remind him of his past as well as the remnant that haunted him from it, that remnant being his red right eye. You sighed softly and turned his head enough to look at you fully, then brushed his hair back from his right eye. Even without the eyepatch, he instinctively continued trying to hide it with his hair. You didn't even think he realized he was doing it sometimes.

Julian breathed a soft sigh when you leaned in and pressed soft kisses around his right eye. Along his cheek, temple, forehead, the bridge of his nose, making a full circle. You smiled a bit when you felt the tension he carried slowly begin to ease. One hand cradled his jaw, the other stroked his hair.

"I love you," you whispered against his skin. Then you leaned back to look at him. You didn't know what you could say to alleviate his concern about how others would react to seeing his right eye. You couldn't make everyone in the city not be afraid of a potential second outbreak of the plague. You could hold him though. Show him that you were not afraid of him. That you didn't judge him for the actions of his past or his self-proclaimed failures.

"I love you too," Julian replied, his smile tired, but a little more genuine. "I've never understood why you do, but I've never been ungrateful for it."

"Well. I'll just have to make it a point to show you all the reasons that I do then." You booped his nose for good measure, earning an actual chuckle from him. You could easily spend hours telling Julian Devorak everything that you loved about him if he would only sit still long enough to allow you to do so.

"Why don't you get comfortable and I'll make us some dinner. And while I do that, I'll get started on listing those reasons for you." You rose from his lap even though he tried to tighten his hold on you so that you couldn't get away. You pressed a kiss to his forehead before heading for the kitchen.

"If you insist," you heard him say behind you and you smiled as you started talking while getting everything you'd need to prepare a meal for the two of you.

Yes, you most definitely insisted.

**Author's Note:**

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> 
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